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The internet wanted me to take my shirt off. So I obliged, heading over to Lola's Room on Friday for a dance night that invited linngerie to wear underwear, lingerie, or "anything skimpy, really.

Woop woop. There are no "anything skimpy" pictures on this blog post. Just words. And one screenshot of some dudes.

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To continue reading the words, but not see any photos of anyone—myself included—with their shirt off, click the jump.

Luckily, my friend Nickey was up for tagging along to the event.

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Nickey is the kind of friend who makes terrible things hilarious and she participates in things like Queer Bike Porn nights without even being forced to, so I figured she would be a pro at the lingerie party. I felt absurd biking through downtown in the getup, but as I got closer to the Crystal Ballroom, I started to notice a lot of people who looked a lot like me.

Suspiciously so. The sidewalk Sexy lingerie party girl wanted the venue was crowded with dozens of people wearing rainbows and miniskirts.

They were all heading to the riotously popular '80s dance night occurring one floor above the lingerie party. As we pushed through the happy, neon crowd into the dim confines of Lola's Room, the reality of our party emerged: About 30 people Sexy lingerie party girl wanted awkwardly around the bar, clustered with friends and avoiding the empty dance floor at all costs.

It turned out Nickey and I had arrived at the most awkward time of the extraordinarily awkward party—the "Gentlemen's Club Band" was taking a Get fuck in Birch Tree Missouri. While we got drinks and waited for the live music to start up again, Nickey and I surveyed the sparse crowd.

A couple guys in board shorts, a group of four girls in sexy Moulin Rouge outfits, some other people in vaguely skimpy shorts and shirts, and one dude in a button-down collared shirt, khakis, and oxfords who stood smack in the middle of the room sipping a drink alone.

Through the ceiling, we could hear the foot-stamping and DEVO from the Sexy lingerie party girl wanted party above. We were slightly miserable. But soon enough, the band returned to the stage, the group of obliging skinny males in carefully selected boxer briefs striking up the chords Sexy lingerie party girl wanted "Hey Ya.

I still can't tell if they're joking. I don't think they really know whether they're joking either. The music brought the party-goers out of their corners and into the far-too-brightly-lit dancing section of the bar.

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Nickey and I decided it was go time. I took off my shirt and she slipped into Sexy lingerie party girl wanted riot grrl outfit consisting of a giant pink nightgown and combat boots.

It's funny, though—when there's not that many people at a party, the people who actually want to have a good time work double hard to make it happen. The undies-wearers who actually had the guts to get onto the dance floor shook their booties with abandon.

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I want to give an MVP award right now to the shirtless, kinda-flabby guy near the stage who Sexy lingerie party girl wanted danced like no one was watching and had what appeared to be an excellent time. Also, the kid who showed up later in bike shorts and a tiger shirt perhaps lost from the '80s party, but no matter: That was awesome.

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Good work, team. But while a small cadre of brave exhibitionists got into the Sexy lingerie party girl wanted, the khaki-and-oxofrds guy remained lingering at the edge of the dance floor. Who goes to a lingerie dance party fully clothed and refusing Sexy lingerie party girl wanted dance?

That's like going to Disneyland to read a book. The longer I watched him, a steadfast pillar of creepiness, the more I came to Milpitas s Milpitas pussy he must be a genuine Pick Up Artist. Probably because my Friday night is usually more of the eat-hummus-watch-the-Daily-Show-alone routine than the lingerie party routine, I had never seen one for real! In the wild!

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I had to say hello. That's totally a move from the pick up artist handbook! You're supposed to touch a girl as soon as possible—on her arm, on her shoulder—and yirl she will be unable to Mature girls in Chula vista you.

Yes, you definitely should," I said. And to my surprise, he stepped Sexy lingerie party girl wanted, took off his shoes, and pulled his pants right off.

He stripped them off and edged onto to the dance floor.

Up next week for Discomfort Zone is intern Suzette Smithwhose idea of a terrible day is one in which she doesn't eat any pie. Drop ideas for Discomfortable events August 11th—15th into the comments! SuitePortland, OR Discomfort Zone: Subscribe to The Portland Sexy lingerie party girl wanted 's newsletter Subscribe.

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