Dating coaches Nora Blake and Mike Fiore give their thoughts on when is the right time to say ‘I love you’ in this video for Digital Romance TV.
The right time to say it is not when you feel it.
Right when you feel it is probably the worst time to say ‘I love you’. Most of the time, when you’re really feeling it for the first time, you are just deep in limerence.
That’s not love- it’s just limerence.
Limerence is the feeling of overwhelming attraction or love that you feel right away at the beginning of the relationship. You’re kinda obsessed and you just want to be with them all the time. You think they’re perfect and they have no flaws- that is not when you say ‘I love you’. You don’t love them yet. The right thing to say is ‘I love fucking you’ or ‘I love spending time with you’.
What does deeper love mean?
Companionate love is more than just how they make you feel- it’s about who they are. How someone makes you feel is just a chemical reaction based on evolution. Real love, deeper love is when you can say, “Hey, this is a person that I really like”.
You wanna wait for a while after you felt that.
The right time is months into the relationship when that initial overwhelming spark has faded a little bit. You can say ‘I love you’ once you start realizing that they have flaws but you still love them anyway. When you’re starting to feel annoyance but you still feel love, then you can say it.
Love is not conditional.
When you say ‘I love you’, it’s not calling for a response. It’s not to get or establish anything- it’s just to express how you feel. You should love somebody for who they are, whether they want to be with you or not. Saying ‘I love you’ means you’re giving them the power to hurt you- but that’s okay with you. You love them enough to endure that pain.
About Michael Fiore
Michael Fiore is a relationship expert and has helped millions of women across the world have better relationships and Nora is his co-host.