Relationship specialists Mike Fiore and Nora Blake of Digital Romance TV share their insights into the advantages and disadvantages of having a friend with benefits (FWB).
What’s good about having a hookup buddy?
A hookup buddy should be someone you know. Thus, one of the pros of having a FWB is having frequent sex with someone you trust, someone you are compatible with.
There’s a spontaneity and hotness to the sex because it’s not complicated by issues of commitment. Sex can be fun and you feel more free to explore and try out fantasies you would not dare with someone you are in a relationship with for fear of being judged.
Also, you don’t have to worry about putting time and emotions into it. You have other things to do with other people and sometimes, relationship can get in the way of things. Having a hookup buddy means you take away most of the aspects of being in a relationship with someone and just retaining the sexual part of it.
What’s bad about being someone’s booty call?
Being someone’s hookup buddy means you cannot be emotionally involved with that person. There will always be that gap between you and you can’t give yourself over. There’s no deeper meaning to what you do; it’s just sex.
Oftentimes, however, someone wants something more. And that’s when people get hurt. Perhaps you will want to become more emotionally invested in your partner but your partner doesn’t want to; your attempt to change that may work but it can also lead to massive rejection.
Sometimes too, having a FWB can hinder your pursuit of something serious. When you are in this kind of relationship, you may need to put your search for a serious relationship on hold. A hookup buddy is not someone you actively date and confusing the two can lead to more complications.
What if you want something more?
It’s also never a good idea to actively pursue a relationship with someone and have a hookup buddy on the side. The problems are obvious but for one, it can ruin sex with your boyfriend for you especially if it’s not as good.
To sum up, having a FWB is fine so long as you and your partner are on the same page and both agree on what you want. It neither makes you a bad person nor destroys your chances of having a relationship with someone.
And if you want to make it more than just a booty call, be open about it. He might say yes or he might say no. And if it's a yes, then be prepared to nix the sex so that you can actually get to know each other better.
About Michael Fiore
Michael Fiore is a relationship expert and has helped millions of women across the world have better relationships and Nora is his co-host.