In this interview, Karla Downing discusses whether or not you should be willing to wait for a man to commit. Ms. Downing says with different men the answer will be different and women need to use discernment.
What is their History?
When you are dating someone it’s important to know something of their past relationships. Knowing how they’ve been hurt and what their wounds are will give insight into the relationship. Divorces or long relationships that ended painfully should be a topic of conversation as these things have an effect on future relationships.
Exercise Good Judgment
There are men out there that will use their failed past relationships as an excuse for not committing, however, there are also men out there that have been genuinely hurt and are trying to work through it. Use some discernment. If you find a man is genuine then it may be worth waiting for him to commit. You can help him work through his issues and take things slowly. It’s important to remember not to change yourself to prove to him it can work, but you can move forward with the relationship and let trust develop slowly.
Sometimes you have to give up
If a guy is saying I will never marry again and he continues to say this even after dating, then you’ve probably got a guy who is just too scared to ever marry again. It’s probably best to just move on rather than waste time trying to help these guys heal. It’s okay to wait for a man who is genuinely taking actions to be healthy and ready to commit, but if a man continues to refuse is probably not going to change.
Some men are worth the wait! A man who has been through a difficult divorce or break-up will have understandable apprehensions about commitment. As a woman use your best judgment. Some men will use it as an excuse to string you along but never commit and others will be very straightforward, saying they will never marry again. Leave these men alone. If, however, the man is visibly trying to work through his issues because he genuinely wants to commit again then it’s okay to take it slow with this man and let him work through his issues.
About Karla Downing
Karla Downing is the author of 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages. Her second book, When Love Hurts: 10 Principles to Transform Difficult Relationships, applies the same principles to all family members. Her third book, The Truth in the Mirror: A Guide to Healthy Self-Image, offers a unique and life-changing approach to looking at self-image. She is the author of several eBooks and hundreds of articles on relationship issues, including LifeWay International articles focused on training women’s ministry leaders to help women struggling in difficult relationships.
She holds a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy from Hope International University. Karla also holds a Bachelor of Arts and Master of Arts in Communicative Disorders from California State University, Fullerton. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a licensed Speech Language Pathologist. To know more visit her website www.changemyrelationship.com.