Mike Hennessy: This is Mike Hennessy and on behalf of the team at LoveEvolveandThrive.com, I would like to welcome you to today’s interview with Dr. Sylva Dvorak. Sylva Dvorak is a licensed doctor of psychoneurology and integrative healing and is a co-author of Your Hidden Riches: Unleashing the Power of Ritual to Create a Life of Meaning and Purpose. To learn more about Dr. Sylva Dvorak, visit her website at www.drsylvadvorak.com or www.liveyourlightnow.com. Dr. Dvorak, welcome. It’s a pleasure to have you with us today.
Sylva Dvorak: Thank you so much for having me. It’s a pleasure.
Mike Hennessy: Sometimes emotional baggage can be a big stumbling block and a big barrier when it comes to attracting healthy love. What our subscribers would like to know is as an expert in rituals, can you share a few practical rituals that can help our subscribers release their past emotional baggage so they can find their way to a healthy love relationship?
Sylva Dvorak: Absolutely. Thank you so much for asking that and I think before I give those examples, I think it’s really important for those who are listening to understand what we mean by rituals and then I will give some of those specific examples of how to release some of those things that we may be doing that sabotages the relationship.
So first of all, rituals are very powerful tools to help us focus our mind in the direction we desire to go. So that’s why I want to make sure that you understand that rituals are tools. Someone may ask, “Well, how is that different from a habit?” We define ritual as conscious, intentional acts you choose to make habitual. So the key word here is “conscious” and habits are just something you do automatically like having your cup of coffee in the morning. But it becomes a ritual when you add the consciousness or an awareness to it. In other words you may do some gratitude, some gratitude. They’re appreciating. You appreciate while you’re drinking that cup of tea or coffee in the morning and that’s what distinguishes the two. So it’s that consciousness or that awareness that makes something a ritual.
So when we use rituals in our life regularly, our lives flow with much greater ease and become easier in every way. So some practical rituals you can use to release past emotional baggage, this one I love to have my clients do which you just write out all the negative feelings about your past relationships. So that does not mean just this one past relationship or this current past relationship or even in a relationship that you may be in. You’re going to write it all out for all the past relationship as far back as you can remember and then you write it down, all those negative feelings, those thoughts. They don’t have to be kind. No one is going to be looking at it and then you write it all out and then what you’re going to do is it’s wonderful if you can burn whatever you write down on that paper. If you can burn it, that would be safe to burn it.
But another thing you can do is you rip the pieces of paper into tiny, tiny pieces and put them through a shredder and then just imagine that all that past stuff, all those negative things that you’re holding on to from the past is just being released and be grateful for being in the present.
So that’s number one. Number two, if you can find a beach, a mountain top or somewhere with a wide open space and then scream out into the waves or the mountains all the gunk you want to release. Just scream it out. Let out all that feeling from the past, all the emotion, all this. Maybe you’re holding on to some resentment or anger or all that gunk as I call it. Just scream it out or release it out because we hold on so often so much in our body.
By doing that, you just release it out and let it go and then you can sit with a friend if you like or by yourself. It’s good to do it with a friend where two or more are gathered. It’s always more powerful and then just speak your heartfelt desires of what you are now going to be accepting in your life, what you would like now in your life.
So that’s number two. That’s our number two that you can release and then another way that I think is very, very important for moving forward is that you – if you are now going into another relationship in the future. In other words, you release this past relationship and you’re no longer in partnership.
Then you want to remove all traces out of the past relationships from your life and by the way I would do that for all the past relationships. So if you have any negative associations to any objects that you received from them, maybe some clothing that you wore with them, that brings back memories whenever you look at it or wear it or maybe there’s photographs, mementos. Get rid of them. They just take up energy and space and then holds you emotionally to that past. That emotion, if you’re stuck there, is not supporting you and moving in that – in a new direction, in a direction that you want in a new relationship.
Then lastly I think one of the most powerful things you could do to move yourself forward in a relationship is to do a forgiveness ritual. Sometimes people ask me, “Well, I don’t want to forgive because then that means that whatever that person did, it justifies that it makes it OK and it’s quite the contrary.”
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that maybe if they want to hurt you, that it makes their action OK. But what forgiveness does is it brings peace to yourself and your life and to release you so that you can move forward, so that you then move into the love that you deserve. So there’s a very powerful forgiveness exercise that I share with my clients and this is inspired by John Randolph Price. So what you do is you get a piece of paper and you write the name of every person, living or deceased, who have ever irritated you and I mean ever and by the way, this could be your pets or any pets in your life.
So your goal is to get rid of any of this negative emotional energy around the relationships and so most people find that they have three or four pages. It’s a list that you make. It’s not like paragraphs you write. You just list out Susan or John when they did this, Susan when she did that. You know, making it up or if you can’t remember their name, let’s say it’s way back in second grade. You just write “that boy who threw rocks at me,” and try to do this for your entire life of anyone that has irritated you.
So you write their name down if you have it or like just a bullet about the incident and when – also you’re going to get a piece of paper and then write down anything that you want to forgive yourself about. So all the way going back, as far back as you can remember. Write down anything that you want to release and forgiving yourself, if that may be being rude to someone or how you speak to yourself, how you’re unkind to yourself, how you haven’t taken care of yourself.
So write those things about forgiving yourself as well. Then what you’re going to do is you’re going to create some quiet space, some space where no one is going to interrupt you. So you want to turn off all those electronic devices. You want to turn off anything that could interrupt you. Make sure you’re in a quiet room and what you’re going to do is go down the list one name at a time and you’re going to hold the image of each person in your mind and then you’re going to tell him or her the following.
As you hold their image in your mind, you’re going to – and tell them the following. You write this down right now. I forgive you and I release you. I hold no forgiveness back. My forgiveness for you is total. I am free and you are free. May we both be blessed.
Now I’m going to repeat that. I forgive you and I release you. I hold no forgiveness back. My forgiveness for you is total. I am free and you are free. May we both be blessed.
Now what I would like to do is I use an index card with that statement written on it and then what I do is I put it under the name of each person that I’m going to state that to. So I put the card underneath the name and I go down the list one by one including anything that I want to forgive myself for.
Now this process could take 30 to 60 minutes or longer. However if you stick to it, I promise you that you’re going to feel so much lighter and there will be a real shift inside of you and most importantly you’re going to be releasing these attachments from the past so that again you can move forward into creating the love relationship that you deserve and so I hope that you do these things and thank you so much.
Mike Hennessy: And this is Mike Hennessy and on behalf of the team at LoveEvolveandThrive.com, I would like to thank you for listening to our interview with Dr. Sylva Dvorak and we wish you the very best in your relationships. For free tips and insights on relationship advice for women, from hundreds of experts and authors, please visit our website at www.LoveEvolveandThrive.com.