May 17, 2016

Interview with Dr. Sylva Dvorak: How To Forgive and Let Go

Interview with Dr. Sylva Dvorak How To Forgive and Let Go

Interview Transcript

Mike Hennessy: This is Mike Hennessy and on behalf of the team at LoveEvolveandThrive.com, I would like to welcome you to today’s interview with Dr. Sylva Dvorak. Sylva Dvorak is a licensed doctor of psychoneurology and integrative healing and is a co-author of Your Hidden Riches: Unleashing the Power of Ritual to Create a Life of Meaning and Purpose. To learn more about Dr. Sylva Dvorak, visit her website atwww.drsylvadvorak.com or www.liveyourlightnow.com. Dr. Sylva Dvorak, thank you so much for joining us today.

Dr. Sylva Dvorak: Thank you. It’s great to be here.

Mike: Sometimes our past can hold us back from attracting a healthy love and moving forward. The troubled past maybe due to failed relationships that could include betrayal, neglect, and abuse. But we’ve got to most past that and we may have to forgive a past lover or an ex-friend or even our parents. In some instances, we may not feel like forgiving the other person because of what they did and the pain and suffering they put us through.

So, how can you forgive someone when you really don’t feel like it and maybe you really deep down don’t want to forgive them?

Dr. Dvorak: This is such a great topic and I love talking about forgiveness. Let’s begin by starting off what’s really eh definition. So in the dictionary, the definition of forgiveness is the mental, emotional, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation, or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference, or mistake or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

I like to add to this definition of forgiveness by really looking at the word forgiveness and breaking it apart. So, what does forgiveness break down into? So, for means to go forward and give, so forgiveness is really all about moving our self forward and giving.

So what’s this giving part? And I believe that it’s really about giving love, giving love primarily to our ourselves. So when we forgive, it’s really the highest act of giving love to another and to our self.

I love the quote by Byron Katie which is, “Nothing happens to us. Everything happens for us.” I believe that everything that happens to us is about expanding us into greater love and to greater love consciousness meaning, taking us to go even deeper into loving.

In reality, love is what everything is about on our planet. And forgiveness is a great act of courage and freedom because when you can choose to look forward rather than look back, you really set yourself free. When you forgive, it’s not that you’re saying whatever the other person did to you is OK and that you’re forgetting. Forgiveness means to set yourself free so that you are no longer held by the negative past experience, the emotions, or thoughts so that you set yourself free to create a better future.

See, when you don’t forgive, you withhold love which creates stress. So often, people prefer to be right and justify their anger than to find peace by forgiving. And if you don’t forgive, it doesn’t cost them anything but it does cost you everything. You’re paying the rent in your heart that you can’t afford.

If you don’t forgive, it doesn’t cost them but it costs you that very, very valuable real estate of your heart. And you want that valuable real estate of your heart to be filled with love.

So it’s not about invalidating your feelings when you forgive. But it is about moving on. And forgiveness heals your heart. And by the way, it can also heal your body.

So how can you really forgive someone when you really don’t fell like it and you don’t want to forgive? See, you have to really ask yourself the question. So what kind of world do I want to create for myself? Do I want to be loyal to the past or do I want to move myself forward and create my future?

See, forgiveness is all about you. You can release yourself from your own suffering when you forgive. The past is the past. And now, you can free yourself to take responsibility for yourself and focus on all the good ahead for you.

But we just don’t do this by – we just don’t forgive by thinking, “OK, I’m just going to forgive.” We have to do something. In other words, we have to usually use a tool in order to help us forgive and really feel that from our heart.

And so, what I want to share with you is a powerful tool, a powerful exercise that I ask all my clients to do and I have them do this at least once a year. And by the way, I do it myself because I feel that forgiveness is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves.

And by the way, for our planet as well because when we have greater peace inside, we have greater peace on our planet. And so, by forgiving, you’re doing a great service to yourself, to others, and/or planet.

So here’s the forgiveness exercise. What you’re going to do is get two pieces of paper. And actually, you’re going to need more than two pieces of paper because this may take up more than that kind – that amount of space. And what you’re going to do is create a couple of lists.

One list is all the things that you want to forgive about yourself. And then the other is the names of every person including those that are deceased even if you can’t remember their name, you would write down the incident that you would like to forgive.

So you’re creating a list of anyone you can think of in your entire life today that irritated you, that created pain for you, that you got mad at, et cetera. This is like a bulleted list. This isn’t paragraphs. You’re not writing the story. You’re just writing their names or the incidents. So if you can’t remember their names, you can write down, “OK, that boy in fifth grade who threw a rock at me.” You don’t have to write their name down if you can’t remember it.

So – and yes, you can even include your pet’s names or other animals as well. So write anything and everything you can think of that will help you to forgive, anything from your past.

And by the way, the first time you do this, it takes longer because you’re encoding everyone because when you’re going to forgive, you might as well forgive everyone because that’s going to take the edge off of anything else that you’re holding on to because anger is layered within ourselves.

If we don’t forgive then we hold these negative emotions and they just build on to each other. But if we do like a pure cleansing of forgiveness then we have that clean slate for everyone and everything in moving forward.

So, you’re going to have these two lists. One is about yourself, anything you want to forgive yourself about. So for example, if you threw the rock at that boy in fifth grade, you write that down. OK? About yourself. And then you have this other list of anyone outside of yourself. OK?

Then what you’re going to do is create some solitary space for yourself where you would not be interrupted. So, go into a room where there’s no interruption possible. Turn off everything, all those electronic devices and really create a space for yourself where it’s going to be very quiet and you can make it a sacred space if you like. Turn on a candle, maybe some very soft music in the background or just that quiet space.

Now, the first time you do this, just so you know, it’s probably going to take you 30 to 60 minutes. If you wrote that list as you should have from everyone as far back as you can remember, it’s probably going to take you longer. OK? So carve out that amount of time.

Then what I want you to do is write this down on a 3 x 5, 4 x 6, 5 x 7 card or even a piece of paper. I want you to write this down.

“I forgive you and I release you. I hold no forgiveness back. My forgiveness for you is total. I am free and you are free. May we both be blessed.”

So here it is again.

“I forgive you and I release you. I hold no forgiveness back. My forgiveness for you is total. I am free and you are free. May we both be blessed.”

And then you’re going to take that index card and you’re going to hold it up underneath. Let’s say if the list about the other person that you’re going to forgive, so you hold it underneath their name or the incident. OK? And then you imagine them or that incident in front of you. And then you’re going to repeat those words.

“I forgive you and I release you. I hold no forgiveness back. My forgiveness for you is total. I am free and you are free. May we both be blessed.”

And then you move down to the next person. You imagine them in front of you and then you repeat those words. And you do that until you’re complete.

Now, for the list about yourself, so things that you want to forgive yourself about, you just change the wording.

“I forgive myself and I release myself. I hold no forgiveness back. My forgiveness for myself is total. I am free. May I be blessed.”

And you say by the way, I’m sorry. “I am free and you are free. May we both be blessed.” OK. Because you still have that other person there.

And again, you go down that whole list. And I can guarantee you that when you do that, when you do that, you are going to feel amazing afterwards. There’s going to be a real shift internally in how you feel. And you will feel much less of that angst or anger, the emotions that you’re holding on to those person that you feel that you didn’t want to forgive, that you felt maybe holding you back from attracting the love that you desire in moving forward.

Now as a bonus, I’d like to add this. You can do nightly releasements. So every evening before retiring, you can do a mental review of your day and ask yourself, “Is there anyone I need to forgive?” And you can do this just as you wash your face every night. You can cleanse your consciousness nightly so no resentments accumulate.

And yes, you can even do it while you’re washing your face. So, do that every single night and then repeat those words. And it will make a huge shift in your own life and peace within your heart and open your heart even more for attracting that healthy, loving relationship and moving forward.

So in closing, what I’d like to share with you is a quote by Robert Muller. He says, “To forgive is the highest, the most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

Remember, forgiveness is the key to freedom.

Mike Hennessy: And this is Mike Hennessy and on behalf of the team at LoveEvolveandThrive.com, I would like to thank you for listening to our interview with Dr. Sylva Dvorak and we wish you the very best in your relationships. For free tips and insights on relationship advice for women, from hundreds of experts and authors, please visit our website at www.LoveEvolveandThrive.com.

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