So, you had sex with him? Many people think that once a man had sex with a woman, she gives up her power and he begins to lose interest. But I don’t think that your power is in having sex with a man. Your power is in what you do afterwards.
In this video, Relationship Coach Matthew Hussey teaches the three things that not only allow you to maintain your power but actually make him want you more.
Number one: Don’t be weird.
Many people, after waking up having slept with someone (which is an intimate act), all of a sudden start behaving awkwardly. Instead of being warm and affectionate, they become cold and neurotic. They’re worried about their hair or their breath. They’re scrambling for their clothes trying to make sure that the person who’s just slept with them doesn’t see them naked. It’s a shame because actually, if we were calm, happy and have a positive, playful vibe with the person in the morning, they’d see us as much more confident and in control.
In the morning, here’s what you do: Give a little deadline.
Tell him that you have to go somewhere or that you have so much to do today and then give him a big cuddle. When you’re cuddling up to him, he’s not thinking, ‘Is this person gonna stay here forever?’ or ‘Is it gonna be awkward trying to figure out who’s gonna leave first?’. You’ve already put that marker in his mind. You can just enjoy the affection. When you leave, give him a nice affectionate kiss. It’s what you should do after you’ve slept with someone.
Number two: Later that day, send a killer text.
This text contains everything you need to say: “I had a great time with you last night. Good luck with your meeting today” and then end it with a kissy face emoji. Why does this do what you needed to do? You’re saying ‘I had a great time with you.’- which is a small act of vulnerability and femininity. It’s a moment where you could be candid with him.
Too many people play it too cool for school like they don’t care and in the process, they dehumanize the whole thing- the act of intimacy they just had with the person. The ‘Good luck with your meeting today’ and kissy face is a moment where it’s personal. Whatever it is, take the moment to acknowledge something that’s going on in his day.
The problem with the way so many people approach what they do after intimacy is they either get too vulnerable or too close to somebody like they expect a relationship to suddenly form between them or they go too casual to the point where it seems that what happened between them didn’t mean anything at all. You should be somewhere between the two.
On the other hand, the worst thing someone could do is insinuate regret about what happened between them that night. Own it with no regrets.
Number three: Do not settle for the Netflix and chill follow-up.
If he invites you over for Netflix and chill, he’s going for the easy path and he wants to have sex with you again. If he does text you and invite you over to watch a movie, send him this message: ‘I’d love to see you again, but I really want to get to know you better…And I feel like I know where coming to your place ends up. How about we go for dinner?’
The beauty of this message is it shows you wanna see him again. Also, it’s like saying that just because you had sex with him doesn’t mean he’s entitled to more sex. And it doesn’t mean you’re entitled to more investment from him. But the distinction is if he does want to see you again, it has to be from more than just a physical connection. It has to be something to build a real connection- that takes time and investment but you wouldn’t expect anything less. If he doesn’t want to put in time and effort, that’s okay. But you won’t accept less.
About Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey, speaker and New York Times Bestselling author, serves as a matchmaker on “Ready for Love,” NBC’s innovative and dramatic new relationship show about making real connections.
Through his online programs, viral internet broadcasts, sell-out seminars, NYT Bestselling book, and his roster of private clients, he has been able to pass on his insights and strategies to countless people. 50,000 women have attended his live events and he has reached over 10 million online. Hussey is the new international guru of the dating and relationship-coaching scene.