We all go through arguments and at the end we are unsure of how to repair it. In this video, Matthew Hussey talks about how we can repair a relationship after an argument through better communication.
Rules and Standards
Standards are about the fundamentals of what you are willing to accept in a relationship. In other words, they speak to the level of love, generosity, excitement, or caring you are willing to accept. This can come to define a relationship. Rules are more surface level. They help us determine whether or not a person is meeting our standards. The difference is that standards are very important at their core because they reveal intent and values. Rules are things we make up. It is the meaning we attribute to things. They may not always be right.
Violations of Rules and Standards
If your partner is breaking your rule you can decide whether or not you want to try to change the behavior. If you look at the relationship and you are happy with the connection and the level of love and caring the rule may no longer seem like such a big deal. However, if someone violates your standard, that is a different story. It makes people very angry, leads to arguments, and they shut down and stop communicating.
How to Communicate
You need to let the person know how you are feeling. Tell them they are not meeting your standards and in what way, then step away and give them time to change and show they care. If they are not willing to meet your standards, you need to have the strength to let them go. In the end you will either be losing someone that was wrong for you, or through communication you will be keeping the right person.
We argue when our partner is not meeting our standards. Standards are very important because they reveal at their core our intent and values. When our partner is violating our standards it is important that we tell them this. Let them know how much you care for them but that their behavior is not okay with you. If they care enough for you they will change their behavior to meet your standards. Otherwise you need to be willing to cut them loose. It may be painful, but in the end you will know they were not the right person for you and you will be opening yourself to a new relationship with a partner that does meet your standards.
About Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey, speaker and New York Times Bestselling author, serves as a matchmaker on “Ready for Love,” NBC’s innovative and dramatic new relationship show about making real connections.
Through his online programs, viral internet broadcasts, sell-out seminars, NYT Bestselling book, and his roster of private clients, he has been able to pass on his insights and strategies to countless people. 50,000 women have attended his live events and he has reached over 10 million online. Hussey is the new international guru of the dating and relationship-coaching scene.