In this video, relationship coaches Mike Fiore and Nora Blake of Digital Romance TV, shares their insights on finding guys who will commit.
There are some guys who are ready to commit rather quickly. Right from the start, they talk about having a future together with you, that you’re soul mates, and every statement begins with a “we”. This is actually not the kind of guy you should be with. What you need to find is a guy who WANTS to commit because that is far more valuable than someone who WILL commit.
Why is commitment the goal?
The meaning of commitment has evolved over time. Before, commitment is akin to monogamy, which in turn literally translates to “mated for life”. That means having sex with only that one person for your whole life. Nowadays, monogamy means not having sex with anyone else right now.
For most of those who want commitment, they aim for it to make them feel secure – that there is this one person who wants to be with them and just them. Also, getting him to commit is like winning a prize and feeling like you are better than others for having been chosen.
Commitment can become a trap
This feeling that you have won a prize and are now secure because you are in a relationship often comes from a place of self-loathing. A woman who doesn’t feel that she’s worthy of being chosen put such a premium on finding and being with someone who will commit.
And once you do find yourself in that kind of relationship, the tendency is to fall into this trap of not being the same person you once were. The danger is that you don’t work as hard anymore because now there is someone who just wants you for you.
Find a guy who wants to commit
Most guys want a girlfriend, yes, but not necessarily a commitment. Some guys agree to a commitment if that’s the only way to keep the girl around, but that makes commitment feel like a trap.
You could find guys who will commit but they are not the ones you would want to be with. You want someone who has options but chose you instead. You, therefore, have to be someone spectacular for him to want you.
And the way to get him to commit is to be someone who doesn’t need him to commit. You are ok with that because you have your own amazing life to live. And then you just let the relationship evolve into something wherein you both decide that you want to be together exclusively.
About Michael Fiore
Michael Fiore is a relationship expert and has helped millions of women across the world have better relationships and Nora is his co-host.