Our experience of dating may well have started with a crush at school. Either secretly or prompted by another of our class mates we may have seen someone we liked and it may have even escalated into our first love.
Over time we will probably have progressed into more adult dalliances, many of us will have had experiences of different intensities, perhaps even had our heart broken a time or two.
Occasionally we may decide that we need to take a break from relationships. We need to heal, recover, decide what it is we want from a partner.
After a time we will feel ready and decide that it’s time to start dating again.
Let’s look at some tips to take on board when we feel it’s time to start dating again.
1. Be yourself.
It can be all too easy to look around and see who the most popular, datable people are.
In many groups there is a certain look, way to dress, attitude that is deemed to be the most popular and it can be tempting to aspire to that look and be like everyone else.
Pretending to be someone you’re not is a recipe for unhappiness. Over time frustration and resentment are likely to surface.
Being true to yourself is a much more attractive proposition, and being in a relationship with someone who loves and accepts you as you are is far more likely to be sustainable.
2. Heal your demons.
Some people find that certain situations provoke a bad response in them. They may react badly to criticism, struggle with advice, run away from disagreements.
Taking time to undergo hypnotherapy or find another suitable way to heal your demons is an important way to prepare for when it’s time to start dating again.
By having hypnotherapy you ensure that old reactions and negative patterns of behaviour are dealt with and not repeated from one relationship to the next.
3. Make your own choices.
Friends, family, colleagues are often happy to share their advice, wisdom and opinions on who we should date, what they think of our latest strategy for getting a date, how we could improve ourselves.
By all means, listen to their advice and appreciate their concerns. Maybe allow yourself to be guided a little.
But ultimately you have to live with the consequences of your decisions and you need to be comfortable with what you choose to do.
4. Look after yourself.
When a relationship ends often our confidence can suffer. We may feel unattractive, jaded and weary for a time. Commit to looking after yourself.
Do you need to tone up, lose a little weight, refresh your wardrobe, hairstyle? Investing a little time and effort into yourself can pay dividends and provide an important confidence boost, especially when you look in the mirror and like what you see.
5. Accept invitations.
Even invitations that do not particularly inspire may lead to you meeting new and interesting people. And even if you don’t meet a potential date you have done something different with your time and enjoyed a new experience.
6. Keep up to date with current affairs, popular culture and ensure that you feel interesting and interested in what is being discussed around you.
Being able to join in with social conversations, feeling able to contribute an opinion ensures that you are confident and comfortable around people of either gender.
Many people are confident in work-related scenarios; they maintain a professional persona. Being relaxed and at ease in social situations is important, especially when it’s time to start dating again.
7. Try to support an interesting social life.
Perhaps join mailing lists for concerts, shows, interesting events so that you can maintain a busy life away from work or home.
Ensuring that you have areas of your life that provide fun, companionship and entertainment is important until it’s time to start dating again. And organising events, keeping active can lead to meeting a potential new partner.
A relationship can add companionship, love and sex into your life.
Being out of the dating game for a time can result in losing confidence, worrying about the future, wondering if you’ll ever meet anyone suitable again. Looking after yourself, finding fulfillment in different ways can help you lead a busy, enjoyable single life.
And many people say that when we’re relaxed, happy with our lives and not looking for someone, that is often the time a new partner appears on the scene.
About the author
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding, whatever the eventual outcome, and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
Susan has been helping individuals and businesses since 1988 when she set up Lifestyle Therapy counselling and hypnotherapy with her husband in Altrincham, South Manchester.
To know more about Susan, visit her website www.lifestyletherapy.net.